The Question That Broke Me

“So what’s your wash routine?”

I’m going to scream.

No, actually, I’m going to write 2000 words about why this question has become my personal hell. Buckle up.

Here’s What Happens

Person: “Oh, you use cloth diapers? That’s cool!”

Me: “Yeah, it works for us.”

Person: “What’s your wash routine?”

And then I die inside.

Why This Question is Exhausting

1. It’s Literally Just Laundry

I throw dirty diapers in a machine. I add detergent. I press a button. They get clean.

That’s it. That’s the routine.

But somehow, cloth diaper culture has turned this into a SCIENCE. There are Facebook groups dedicated to this. There are people who will write you a dissertation about their wash routine, including:

  • Pre-wash temperature
  • Main wash temperature
  • Detergent brand (and why all other brands are wrong)
  • Water hardness levels
  • Agitation cycles
  • Rinse protocols

It’s. Just. Laundry.

2. There’s No One “Right” Answer

You know what happens when I answer this question honestly?

Me: “I do a pre-wash, then a hot wash with Tide.”

Them: “Oh. I heard Tide has too many additives. Do you worry about buildup?”

OR

Me: “I use a natural detergent.”

Them: “Those don’t clean properly. You really should use mainstream detergent.”

I CANNOT WIN THIS GAME.

No matter what I say, someone will tell me I’m doing it wrong. Someone will have a better way. Someone will warn me about future problems I’ll definitely have with my method.

3. The Assumption That I’ve Optimized Everything

Here’s a secret: My wash routine is whatever I remembered to do that day.

Sometimes it’s a pre-wash. Sometimes I forget the pre-wash and just do a long hot wash. Sometimes I accidentally wash them on cold because I’m operating on 4 hours of sleep.

They still get clean.

I don’t track my water hardness. I don’t adjust my detergent based on load size. I don’t follow a 47-step protocol I found in a Facebook group.

And you know what? My diapers are fine. They’ve been fine for seven years.

4. It’s Never Really About the Routine

What people are actually asking is: “Is cloth diapering hard?”

And they want me to say yes. They want validation that disposables are easier. They want confirmation that they made the right choice by not even trying cloth.

OR

They’re already doing cloth and want to compare routines and feel superior about their method.

Either way, it’s exhausting.

The Variations of This Question

Let me save you some time. Here are all the versions I’ve heard:

  • “Do you pre-rinse?” (Sometimes)
  • “What detergent do you use?” (Whatever’s on sale)
  • “How do you handle hard water?” (I… don’t?)
  • “Do you strip them?” (Only when they actually need it, which is rarely)
  • “What temperature do you wash at?” (Hot. Ish. Whatever hot means to my machine)
  • “How do you prevent ammonia buildup?” (I wash them. That’s it.)
  • “Do you line dry or use a dryer?” (Yes)

What I Actually Want to Tell You

You want to know my REAL wash routine? Here it is:

Step 1: Forget about the diapers for 2-3 days until the smell reminds me they exist.

Step 2: Panic and throw them in the wash.

Step 3: Set machine to whatever setting seems appropriate.

Step 4: Hope I remember to move them to the dryer before they sit overnight and get that funky smell.

Step 5: Actually remember to move them (50% success rate).

Step 6: If they smell funky, wash again. If they don’t, call it a win.

That’s it. That’s the routine.

Is it optimized? No. Is it perfect? Absolutely not. Does it work? Yes.

The Part Where I Get Really Honest

The reason this question makes me irrationally angry is because it represents everything that’s wrong with parenting culture.

We’ve taken something simple - washing diapers - and turned it into a performance. An optimization challenge. A way to prove you’re doing it “right.”

And if you’re not following the perfect protocol? You’re doing it wrong. Your diapers will fail. Your baby will get rashes. You’ll have ammonia buildup and staining and your elastics will die.

Except… that’s not true.

I’ve been washing diapers “wrong” for seven years. My diapers are stained (I don’t care) and some elastics are stretched (I replaced them), but they work. They’ve always worked.

What to Ask Instead

If you’re genuinely curious about cloth diapers, here are better questions:

  • “What made you choose cloth?”
  • “What’s been the hardest part?”
  • “Would you do it again?”
  • “Any tips for someone thinking about trying it?”

These questions are about MY EXPERIENCE, not about optimization protocols.

For the Record

I’m not anti-wash routine. If you’ve found a routine that works and you love sharing it, great. If you’ve solved your hard water issues and want to help others, awesome.

What I’m against is:

  • The implication that there’s only one right way
  • The gatekeeping around detergents and methods
  • The judgment when someone’s routine doesn’t match yours
  • The assumption that everyone needs or wants the same level of detail

The Exception

There is ONE time I will happily discuss wash routines: when someone is genuinely struggling.

If your diapers are leaking because they’re not getting clean? Let’s talk. If you’re dealing with actual ammonia burns? I’ll help you troubleshoot. If you can’t figure out why everything smells like death? We’ll figure it out.

But casual cocktail party conversation about pre-wash protocols? I’M OUT.

My New Standard Response

From now on, when someone asks about my wash routine, I’m saying:

“I wash them until they’re clean.”

If they want more detail, they can read this post. All 2000 words of it.

Am I Overreacting?

Probably.

It’s just a question. People are being polite. They’re showing interest. I get it.

But after seven years of answering this question approximately 700 times, with people either:

  • Judging my answer
  • Trying to convince me to change my method
  • Launching into a 20-minute explanation of their superior routine
  • Looking horrified that I don’t test my water hardness

Yeah. I’m done.

The Real Point

Cloth diapering should be accessible. It should be simple. It should be “good enough” instead of “perfect.”

The obsession with wash routines creates a barrier to entry. It makes people think they need to become laundry scientists before they can even try cloth.

You don’t.

You just need:

  • Diapers
  • Detergent
  • A washing machine
  • Willingness to adjust if something isn’t working

That’s it.

Everything else? Optional.

In Conclusion

If we meet in real life and you ask me about my wash routine, I will smile and change the subject.

If you persist, I will send you this link.

If you STILL persist, I will assume you’re either:

  • Trying to sell me something
  • Looking for validation
  • Genuinely unable to take a social cue

And I will remove myself from the conversation to find more coffee.

Because if I’m going to discuss laundry protocols, I need to be more caffeinated than this.

Yes, I know this rant makes me sound insufferable. No, I don’t care. Sometimes you need to vent into the void. Today, the void is this blog.

Also yes, I will probably still answer wash routine questions when people ask. I’m Canadian. I can’t help being polite. But I’ll be thinking about this post the entire time.